Quarantine, Acne, and My Undying Hatred for the Red Sox

I thought quarantine wouldn’t be too bad for me because I’m still working, but I gravely misjudged my need to go out. I don’t merely mean social interaction because, personally, I could do without the interaction part. I have no desire to interact. I do need to observe. The last time I talked to aContinue reading “Quarantine, Acne, and My Undying Hatred for the Red Sox”

If You Don’t Like Me…You’ll Love This

I’m a real self-deprecating prick. An Asshole. A shmuck. I’ve been trying to come up with a blog that would be really funny. The problem is…I’m not that funny. But plenty of people on the internet are. Plenty of people probably think, “why is this bald fuck still going with this shit?” The reason is,Continue reading “If You Don’t Like Me…You’ll Love This”

Valentine’s Day

So, this year is my first Valentine’s Day as a married man, and I invited my parents to stay with us for the weekend. I know, sounds like a real dumb shit move. But it was just a coincidence really, and we likely would have ate sushi and ice cream on the couch anyway. PeopleContinue reading “Valentine’s Day”

Don’t Do Me Like That

So, the story I’m going to tell you is probably entirely too sad for this website, but hey, I have to deal with this shit every day, so you people can suffer for thirty seconds if you bother reading it. It’s not SAD sad. It’s not like when you watch a basketball player destroy theirContinue reading “Don’t Do Me Like That”

Twas the Night Before Christmas – By Your Cousin Vinny

As I write this blog the clock reads two, my heart races fast, is it Santa? Is it true? No, don’t be foolish, St. Nick came and gone, that’s just the tequila you were shooting at nine. My phone lights up blue, and I read the Fox news report: Santa seen flying over the park.Continue reading “Twas the Night Before Christmas – By Your Cousin Vinny”

Impeachment, Space Force, and Boat Crashes

So, there was a cruise ship crash this weekend. There’s a video of it going around twitter currently, and that is crazy to me. I don’t know if it’s just because it’s the holidays, but there’s a lot of crazy shit going on. First off, how do boats crash? This has to mean that twoContinue reading “Impeachment, Space Force, and Boat Crashes”

Decision Making 101

So, making decisions is a learned skill. Some people are better at it than others; just like some people can play baseball and some people can’t. It’s something you have to practice at, over and over again. Otherwise, you’ll sit on your couch deciding where you’re going to eat for longer than you’d actually sitContinue reading “Decision Making 101”

Living in the South

Living in the south has been… an experience. Overall, I’m happy. Don’t get me wrong, I live in a two bedroom apartment and I’m paying the same I was paying for my Cortland, 500 sq.ft. apartment. I live within a mile from like 20 bars and restaurants. I can walk to my gym. It’s basicallyContinue reading “Living in the South”

My Ding-a-ling-a-ling

Just like Chuck Berry suggests in his only number 1 hit song, My Ding-a-ling, Chuck Berry covered in the 70’s, we learn new uses for things as we grow up, including your ding-a-ling. It used to be something that you would hold onto when you knew you had to pee really bad, but now youContinue reading “My Ding-a-ling-a-ling”