Bachelor’s are for the Boys

So, it’s Monday night again and we have 4 girls remaining. Well, possibly five, if it’s really true that Peter is fucking the producer. Julie, all along. We have Madison, Victoria F., Hannah, A., and Kelsey. We got all ages from 23-28. We got people with real jobs and well, people with things they do during the day. We got intact and not intact hymens. We got it all.

This show has actually got me by the balls now. Victoria looks as disinterested as most dates I’ve ever been on. She’s almost pretending like she’s not on the actual dates. I have to imagine that she gets sent home today, being that she can’t even look this guy in the eye. I really thought they would end up together, but I have a new favorite now but I still think this girl manages to stay in somehow.

Hannah is another one I’m not so sure about. She’s got a better shot than Victoria at this point but I’m kind of excited to see how southern her family is. She hasn’t really dropped any bombs into the show yet, so I’m hoping we find something interesting out about her tonight. We know Peter likes a girl to open up. He keeps saying that. He wants everyone to open up for him. It’s creepy. Imagine a guy saying that to you in real life. “Open up for me,” in Golem’s voice. I think she gets to move on.

Kelsey, did drop a bomb last week revealing that she talks to her dad even though he left or something like that. I like how they save the bombs for the end. For Peter, if you told him too much in the beginning of the season you were too forward, but now you give him some dirty details about your family and you’re like a clam opening up giving him a pearl necklace. It’s beautiful really. Anyway, She’s the oldest, and she crushes champagne like a champ. Maybe Kelsey gets sent home today. Even though she did open up to him. I still hope it’s Victoria F. that leaves, but she’s too interesting for the show to send her home.

Finally, the crowd pleaser, or as we find out in this upcoming episode, not so much the crowd pleaser, we have Madison. Who reveals she is looking for someone who will lead their family and faith and is also a virgin. She dropped double bombs. She’s like a double clam, or double opening. Two holes of openness. I think this girl wins. She’s my new favorite. I’m not exactly a religious man, and it really didn’t seem like Peter was either, but hey, what’s the harm in spending 1 hour a week in church if you get to spend the rest of your life with this girl. I’m all in on Madison.

Get settled into your couch seats folks, it’s going to be a good one. Grab your white claws and your rosé. Get your Halo Top Ice cream. Let’s get to these hometown dates.

Published by Your Cousin Vinny

I'm just a guy, who really is trying to figure out what the move is.

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