Florida Man Wrangles Cows On Highway 75

You always hear the jokes about Florida. Google Florida and your birthday or Florida is the armpit of America and rightfully so, but there are plenty of normal people down in Florida. My parents for instance. They live in Florida and they drove up to visit us this weekend.

Unfortunately, on my parents ride up, they got caught in some traffic. They were sitting in park for 2 hours before they finally started trying to figure out what was going on. Eventually, they rerouted and figured out another way to get here.

A Florida man driving a trailer fell asleep and crashed. Flipped the trailer over in the middle of the road. Horrible. Here’s the kicker. The trailer was filled with cows. So, there were dead cows all over the highway. And some live ones.

You can see in this video they are trying to get the cows out of the flipped over trailer and into the new trailer. These cows think they just escaped death, I’m sure. Probably not though, probably heading straight to the slaughterhouse after this.

Crazy headlines in Florida though. And this one personally affected me. Wild.

What I want to know is who is the guy wrangling those cows and how did he get that job? Is Florida prepared for something like this? This guy looked like he had done this before.

The police get on the line and they are like, “yeah, call in Calvin, we’re gonna need him.”

Calvin is sitting at home, cowboy hat over his eyes, boots on the table, Marlboro Red hanging out of his mouth. The phone call startles him awake. He grunts into the receiver, “yeah, I’ll be down in a bit.” He grabs his whiskey and takes a chug. Jumps into his pick up and heads down to highway.

This guy is a man’s man. He’s the guy who my grandma watches on the John Wayne channel. This guy is literally wrestling a 400 pound cow. He has to be the official cow wrangler of Northern Florida or something. Not just anyone is jumping in that trailer with a bunch of cows to gather them up. He knew what he was doing.

That’s why Florida is great though. You never know what you’re going to get. RIP to all the cows that passed and preemptive RIP to the rest that headed of to the slaughterhouse. Sorry if I eat you, but when you’re hungover, sometimes you just need a burger.

Published by Your Cousin Vinny

I'm just a guy, who really is trying to figure out what the move is.

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