Southern Hospitality

So, I had a friend come in to town this weekend and I wanted to take him to all of the best spots in downtown. You always hear about southern hospitality and how people down south are extremely welcoming. Its all a facade; these people just like pretending to be nice. Not everyone, obviously but most of them.

We had the absolute WORST customer service over the past few days it was like the twilight zone. First, we sat down at a bar that is this beer garden that is known for have the largest variety of beer on tap in the world — it’s true, they are in the Guinness Book of World Records. This bar doesn’t have a menu either; you have to look up all of the beer on their horrible website and it takes forever because there’s so many. This girl got upset when she walked over and we weren’t all ready to order.

We end up ordering beers and we got three waters, too, because these were recovery beers. A little hair of the dog. She gives us the beers, but what I really needed was the waters, but this girl got distracted and left them behind the bar. Which is fine, I get people get busy, get distracted. No problem.

She comes back over and my friend asks her for the waters and she responds with a fucking attitude, “what are you talking about? I made them. I gave them to you already.”

She realizes that she was wrong after a second when my friend pointed to behind the bar where the waters were sitting. The bartender grabs the three waters and just slams them down and walks away. It was the most bizarre situation, where I was confused about why they were being outright rude. I mean I’m not writing a yelp review, I’m sitting here talking about it, but c’mon lady, like its almost the holiday season. Spread a little fucking cheer.

After this experience, we obviously didn’t order another beer. The girl was walking around behind the bar, slamming shit around, and making loud noises, like your mom does on Easter when your dad falls asleep before helping clean up after everyone.

We go down the street to another bar, and this bartender was nice to us. But he was one of those sarcastic prick types, like me basically. I get that working in the service industry can be frustrating, I really do. But if you’re good at your job as a bartender/waiter, you don’t make customers feel bad for not being the ‘best’ customer, you just smile and do your job and then you can whisper under your breath.

This guy came up to the bar to try and pay his bill and he waved the bartender down, literally waved at him, which yes, I understand that is rude. This bartender has the balls to just stand there and wave back. The customer was like, “uh, can i pay my bill?” The bartender just replies, “Oh, you were waving at me so I just thought we were going to have a conversation.” I mean that’s a bad joke, you could have said something at least a little bit more clever. The poor bastard trying to pay the bill didn’t even know he was being made fun of.

Then this bartender does it again, but at least under his breath time, which is more acceptable, but I mean we all heard it, so still not great. A girl came up and asked for a vodka soda with a bunch of limes. I mean that’s ridiculous but whatever. He says under his breath, “you guys need anything else?”

What are you, the keeper of the fucking limes? Are you bringing the fucking limes from home? What the duck do you care if the girl drinks a ridiculous drink? Just give her a bunch of limes. This jerk-off gives her two limes.

This is why I go out to drink or eat though. It’s these experiences that I live for. These people who are just utterly rude and impossible to get along with. Watching this shit makes me so unbelievably happy, and it’s unfortunate that I don’t find the same enjoyment in people spreading joy but hey, I live for the chaos.

Published by Your Cousin Vinny

I'm just a guy, who really is trying to figure out what the move is.

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