Here’s a Cookie!!

I’m not going to sit here and tell you I’m living my best life. If I was living best life I wouldn’t be writing a mediocre blog, sitting next to my medically expensive dog, wishing I was anywhere else but here. Like Costa Rica or something.

I won’t say I hate my job, mainly because if I do that and they see it, maybe I’d get fired. But I do work at multiple places, so maybe I can use that as my defense if this was seen by one of my bosses. I would venture to guess it’s unlikely that one of my very limited 60 readers happens to be them though.

What I want to talk about is the classic “here’s a cookie!” phenom at jobs these days. If you ask any employee what would make them happy I can guarantee what the two answers will be. It will be either more money or more help. I can’t speak for everyone but at least where I work, it is so understaffed that people don’t work hard because it won’t make a difference in how busy they are because even if people did actually work hard they would still be swamped all day long.

I don’t know the ins and outs of overhead and staffing. What I do know is that we don’t need a fall festival and a Halloween party within one week of each other. Management setting up a shoddy festival is just insult to injury. I don’t need a the festival. I’m not going to clock out and go to hang out at this festival. Fucking Sallie Mae is over here sending their employees to Hawaii and my jobs like, “can you guess how many candy corns are in the jar?” The prize? A bottle of laundry detergent. No, I’m not kidding.

I appreciate a lunch here and there, don’t get me wrong. I love when the bosses bring in pizza or sandwiches. Granted, I would argue that pizza here is objectively worse than it was in Vegas. What do I want though? Give me a day off. I’d love to have a Wednesday off one week, or get off early on a Friday. I haven’t had a day off (not counting my wedding) just to do whatever I want or to get chores and errands done since I began working as an adult.

You know what I get for good behavior at work? I literally get a coin. I’ve received 3 coins in the five months that I’ve worked at my job. I need 22 more in order to get one paid time off day. So if I continue this trend of 3 coins every 5 months, I will get one day off if I work really hard for 3 years. How do you think this plan out as management and think, “oh yes, this will motivate them.” Or if I get 5 coins, guess what I get? The bottle of detergent.

I promise myself that I will one day work for myself. Stay tuned for my book, by the way, currently in editing, and by editing I mean my cousin-in-law who is an editor is editing it and it probably is equally as mediocre as this blog. But maybe if all 60 of you read it I can retire. Good luck out there, it’s fucking wild these days.

Published by Your Cousin Vinny

I'm just a guy, who really is trying to figure out what the move is.

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