I’m Getting Married Today

Four hundred and fifty one days ago, I asked my Marisa to marry me. Now, today I’m finally tying the knot. Weddings man, they get to me. Rumors were that I cried at the last one I was at, so for this one I’m refusing to walk down the aisle, if you’re wondering why I’m standing up at the altar while you’re all getting seated.

Today is sort of a weird day for me. Usually, any day like this for me, I’m about three or four beers deep before 10 AM. Today, I can’t “drink drink” until about the same time the photographer leaves, which makes complete sense. I know myself pretty well at the ripe age of 26. My fiance on the other hand is probably drinking mimosas right now, but she has a little thing called self-control.

Of course, there are many reasons that I’m extremely happy about this day and I’m not trying to downplay, one of the most important days in our live. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with this woman, for a multitude of reasons, but I’ll save that shit for the vows. There are two other arbitrary reasons that I can’t wait to be married and they have unfortunately nothing to do with my wife. Full disclosure: my current fiance, future wife, edits every single one of my blogs, so if this is too much, I will probably not know until I see her in about 6 hours walking down the aisle.

One, I get to say “my wife” instead of “my girlfriend.” Saying “my wife” holds so much more weight when you’re talking to someone. If I don’t want to go somewhere, I can say, “sorry I can’t I have this thing for my wife.” If I exchange the word girlfriend there, I would sound like a shmuck. You can’t come to the work Christmas party because you’re going to you’re girlfriends thing? No I can’t go because I have “my wife’s” thing. It’s the second best excuse next to, “sorry we can’t, we have the kids.”

I really wouldn’t call myself a flake by any means, I try to go to as many things as I can even though I haven’t lived near my close friends and family for six years now. But sometimes, “I can’t leave my girlfriend at home alone for a week,” doesn’t work as well as “I can’t leave my wife home alone for week. Although, judging by the way she sleeps in the bed during the daytime, after she works a night shift, she’d rather me be gone.

Two, I get to wear a gold ring. Rings are cool. Always wanted to wear a ring. Just like I always want to wear a cowboy hat. I can’t wear a cowboy hat unless I’m at a country concert, just like I can’t wear a ring unless it’s Halloween. Now, I get to wear a ring, which I’ve oddly been excited about for a really long time. I could become a cowboy, and then possibly be able to wear my cowboy hat full-time. But a major career change like such, might end with me getting a divorce in which case I lose the guaranteed ring for a chance at the cowboy hat. I’ll stick with the ring, and if I ever get the call to be a cowboy, you know I’ll be ready. Love you Marisa, see you in a few.

Published by Your Cousin Vinny

I'm just a guy, who really is trying to figure out what the move is.

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