Do me a Favor, Don’t do me any Favors

There are certain things we do for other people that make it seem like we are trying to help, look like we are doing the right thing, or even trying to make things not as bad for ourselves. Some of these I’m going to discuss are often more selfish than selfless; make it worse rather than better; piss off people rather than piss on people. Actually, ignore the last one, that didn’t work.

What brought me to think about this was this morning when I was driving home from the park. I saw a girl doing a little walk of shame. No big deal, if you go back to my vlogs when I was in college, you’ll see I have a whole segment where I talk about this being a bullshit term. I prefer stride with pride, traction after satisfaction, jiggy with your dignity, etc.

This girl did something that, I feel, made it worse for herself. Instead of just walking the whole way, something told her she should run. Hungover as shit, in my clothes from last night, I am not running anywhere. Yes, walking may take longer but running will ensure that I vomit and/or pass out in the middle of the sidewalk. I also would not run in high heels. I would strut, but not run. So, you see what I am saying? We do these things because we think they will somehow make a situation better.

Here’s an example of when we try to make things easier for someone else rather than ourselves. Holding the door for someone when they are too far from the door. Unless I am right behind you, don’t hold the door for me. I now have to run to the door now because you wanted to look like you were being polite. I’ll say its 100x worse in the south than in NY because everyone here is overly polite.

Another one that gets me is when someone’s dog is misbehaving in the dog park, maybe riling up the other dogs. Instead of this person trying to stop the dog or whatever people do when animals are playing with other animals. The person will use the dogs full name instead of the nickname. They call the dog Sam all day then all of sudden you’re like “Samuel! Do not misbehave like that!” You’re trying to act like you want your dog to behave but your dog isn’t a child. It’s a dog. It doesn’t know that being called by your full name is bad, it probably doesn’t even know its full name.

So, don’t do me any favors and I won’t do you any favors and we’re all even. If you’re going to do me a favor, buy me a shot or a beer, grab me a sandwich, but don’t offer me directions as if I don’t have google maps.

Published by Your Cousin Vinny

I'm just a guy, who really is trying to figure out what the move is.

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