So it’s that time of year again. Football is back, pumpkin spice lattes are being ordered at an alarming rate, the rim of my beer glass is covered in caramel and cinnamon sugar, and the sauce has been on the stove since 630 this morning. It doesn’t get better than this.
I’m a guy who loves summer, but I don’t have off for the summer with my job. Summer, for me, is just driving home from work everyday for an hour with swamp ass. Then I get home and walk my dog while sporting a new pair of underwear to proceed to get swamp ass again. It’s 3 months filled with wet underwear, double shower days, and constant air condition. I’ve had enough. I’ve only been to the beach once this year, so I’m over it.
I’m ready to sit on my couch, or at the bar, recklessly gambling on football games while crushing pumpkin ales. Saturdays and Sundays in the fall are unbeatable. The Yankees are crushing the long ball and are going to be playing deep into October. I’m getting fucking married. I’m a Carolina Panthers fan. It’s going to be a great season.
Along with football season comes the drama with players. I have to assume that player drama wasn’t like this when I was a kid, but I wasn’t really paying attention to that when I was kid, so who knows. Antonio Brown acting like an exorbitantly rich child, really gets me going. I can’t stand this guy and everything he stands for. Obviously, if he came to my team, I’d be a huge fan. But he did not, so I think he’s an asshole.
When I talk about this “season”, I’m not talking about Fall, because it’s not Fall. The Autumn Equinox isn’t until the 23rd. This is Football Season. My girlfriend often confuses the two so we’ve transitioned directly from summer to Thanksgiving. I think we skipped Halloween, although I’m not sure if we’ll make a roundabout back to it.
Let’s not forget about food either. Yeah in the summer we can eat ice cream or Italian ices, but I’m always worried about my girlish figure in the summer. I barely took my shirt off twice outside this year, but I gotta watch the weight, on the off chance I’m outside tanning. I am SICK of drinking white claws.
This time of year brings back high calorie beers, pounds of pasta, sausage and meatballs, endless chips, dip and appetizers, and switching from tequila to fireball. I can go on a diet again between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Now, is the time to enjoy every piece of food that gets put in front of me and root for my new team. I may not like “this season” for all the right reasons, but its the right fucking reasons for me, so throw out your seltzers and pick up some beers, because it’s time to get back to what we all know and love.