Living in the South

Living in the south has been… an experience. Overall, I’m happy. Don’t get me wrong, I live in a two bedroom apartment and I’m paying the same I was paying for my Cortland, 500 sq.ft. apartment. I live within a mile from like 20 bars and restaurants. I can walk to my gym. It’s basically the center of the city.

But would I be a true New Yorker if I didn’t have a list of complaints. I mean, I don’t know if I’m even considered a New Yorker anymore. I’m more than three years removed now.

I obviously had some distaste with the west. Down to the south, it’s a pretty big change. Obviously, you can’t order pizza, you can’t get good bagels, and you can’t get and egg sandwich. It’s just not possible. I don’t care who says what, those are just the basic New York complaints. It doesn’t change no matter where you go.

The egg sandwich situation seems like it could be a fallacy, but it’s not. For some reason, down here, they put every thing breakfast, on a biscuit. I don’t know if you’ve ever had a biscuit, not a Pillsbury one you bake in the oven, I’m talking about a real biscuit. The one that you pick up and it falls apart in your hand. Do you see a problem with that? Eating an egg sandwich, a classic driving breakfast, and it’s just falling apart the whole time you’re eating it. It’s a disaster. Fuck biscuits. Just make a roll.

The pizza thing, there’s just nothing you can do. My in-laws came to town and they are big homemade pizza people. So I bought a couple doughs from a pizzeria so we could make some pizza for dinner. The girl at the register asked me if I needed directions to make the pizza.

Why on earth, would I be buying dough, if I didn’t know how to use it? Also, even if I didn’t know how to use it, it’s 2019, anything I don’t know how to do, I can learn from google. I don’t need advice from the person selling pizzas with pineapple or cheeseburger on them.

Slow? Slow is an understatement. People move fucking backwards. I’m walking in the mall the other day, and these two women just stop in front of us, turn towards each other, and start having a conversation. What even is that? I’m okay with things moving slower or else I wouldn’t have moved to the south. But don’t make my life inconvenient. I don’t want to stand here waiting for you to talk about the new school year.

Finally, I have one last bone to pick. People here use the phrase ‘finna.’ For example, “I’m finna get it done.” Otherwise known as, I’m about to get it done.” I’m not sure where it came from, and to be honest, I didn’t know people really used that word. So, I’m mostly amused by that one. It makes me laugh just about every time I hear it for some reason.

Overall, rating on the south is high. Highly recommend. These people down here eat anything for breakfast, fried chicken, andouille sausage, ice cream, anything you want. People are sometimes tremendous down here though so gotta watch the diet. Unfortunately, I do knock a point for them voting out the motorized scooters. Those incredibly dangerous scooters were so much fun. If you haven’t ridden one yet, I highly suggest it. Go panthers!

Published by Your Cousin Vinny

I'm just a guy, who really is trying to figure out what the move is.

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