Anybody who knows me knows I’m a HUGE Carolina Panthers fan. Ever since about 3 weeks ago. Fantasy football is getting going again folks which I guess that means the NFL is starting again. I know this isn’t a fresh take or anything but fantasy has really changed the NFL. My favorite part is that a lot of people don’t really have a favorite team anymore. I grew up a Jets fan. Which is almost as bad as growing up a Mets fan. Some people are die hard fans. But, now I’m locking in; going to get myself a Panther’s hat and be a fan of a football team. Unless of course that gets in the way of me rooting for my own fantasy football team.
Now, every fantasy football league has it’s array of characters. I’m obviously getting most of my ideas for this blog about the group of idiots that are in my fantasy league. So, let’s take a lot at some of the most common types of people in a fantasy league.
The guy who doesn’t know enough about football so has to ask someone else in the league questions about what he should do each week.
I want to start right off the bat with myself. I follow football enough to know what teams are good and what teams are bad. In the beginning of each year I keep up with the waivers follow the news but by the middle of the season I’m fucking lost. I’m sending my lineup to my brother, asking people in the league what I should do. It’s super fucking annoying. This person in the league needs to get a grip and realize everyone else is playing for money. Nobody wants to help you.
The guy that gives up halfway through the season.
This guy is probably one of the worst people to have in the league. Every week someone has to remind him to set his lineup. He essentially lets people beat him at the end of the season skewing all of the fucking records. This is the person who makes the 1st place person impossible to catch up to. They fuck up the league. Each year, you should eliminate this person from the league. It doesn’t matter if it’s your best fucking friend. Fuck this person.
The guy that tries to collude with other players.
This is the motherfucker that tries to pay you for your players at the end of the season. If it’s a keepers league that’s one thing. But this is usually two people who try to team up at the end of the season and trade players to one team. This person NEVER wins the playoffs. Usually this is a last ditch effort to get into the playoffs. Don’t be an asshole. Don’t cheat. Play to win the game.
There’s the girl.
Fantasy football is a predominantly male hobby. I would say sports betting in general is more of guy thing. Of course we have girls who like it too. There is usually one girl in each league or so. Now, the girl can be one of two ways. The girl will either be above the trash talking and just ignore everyone or she will be one of the trash talkers. In my opinion it’s better when they don’t ignore everyone. When they’re in the shit. Because in a group chat with 11 guys who probably don’t have enough sex or love from their mother, if the girl shows weakness it’s over. These guys will be like vultures and pick her apart. The girl that’s in fantasy is 9 times out of 10, the best trash talker.
There’s the trash talker.
So, beyond the trash talking girl in the league, there’s usually a guy in the league who trash talks all the time. Makes it personal and shit. You beat them and they’re making fun of you balding or how fat you are. This person is has zero remorse. Just likes to shit all over everyone.
There’s the trader.
The guy who attempts to make ridiculous trades every week. He’ll text you on the side and try to explain to you how the trade is fair and how he’s actually doing you a favor. There is NEVER a fair trade in fantasy. Someone is winning on each trade. Don’t fall for this guy’s shit. Because he’s trying to fuck you.
There’s the guy who doesn’t pay the fee until the end of the year.
This guy is the guy someone has to text every week to pay. Venmo request after venmo request and this guy doesn’t cough up the fifty bucks to play in the league. There’s not much to say about this guy. It’s not that he’s always a cheap guy. Sometimes he is just a forgetful guy. Or an idiot.
Now, for some honorable mentions, the guy who wants to do a live draft every year, the guy who comes up with ridiculous punishments for the last place person each year, the guy who forgets to put people in his lineup, the guy who says something in the group chat about someone not setting up their lineup when you’re playing this person and the guy at the end of the year who wants to split the winnings before the championship.
Obviously, some of these people are from my own league. I’m really interested to see if those idiots can figure out who’s who. Fuck them anyway. So, let’s get ready for this fantasy football year and start the trash talking. Love a good Sunday fucked up group chat. Fuck off until next week.