This is a tale as old as time. The quintessential discussion of how men and women are so different. There are your obvious pink and blue stereotypes and of course there are people who won’t fall into any of the categories that I want to focus on. It’s 2019 so maybe this will ruffle feathers but I think that most people will understand that I’m not saying one or the other of species is more or less than the other.
Need vs. want. My understanding of need vs. want was explained to me at a young age with a spanking from my mom in front of toy store. For a kid who wasn’t beat as a child, you remember that type of embarrassment. It builds character some would say. I really wanted a toy in the store and made a big scene about it. I don’t remember the toy or why I had go into the toy store. After making a scene, my mom smacked my ass a couple times. Now, of course, I learned the most important thing, don’t piss off mom in public, and until this day, she still smacks the shit out of me and any of my friends who piss her off too. But what I really feel was engrained in me that day was that I wanted the toy, I didn’t need it.
Since I’ve moved out of my parents house whenever I found a place, I would base it on my real needs against what I may want. Like I want central air but I don’t need it. I currently live in an apartment for below the average market price with no central air and pay a little more for my electric bill because I use fans and window air conditioners. When I first moved out I would look for the cheapest rentals, not because I’m a cheap person, but because I hate wasting money. In Vegas, instead of paying $1,100 for my own one bedroom or $900 for a studio, I met a random stranger on Facebook and lived in his spare bedroom for $500 a month, which included his TV, Xbox, cable, electric, gas, and a dog to play with. He would let me have guests over, and I could come and go as I please. It was ideal, and if he had let me, I probably would’ve had Marisa move in with me there and continued paying a ridiculously cheap rent. All good things come to an end.
In our first apartment, I realized that what I need is very different than what she needs. I was content with sitting in my soccer mom lawn chair with my 33 inch TV on the ground. Marisa needed a couch, a TV stand, end tables, coffee tables and lamps. I had my comforter from college on the bed but she got us a really nice quilt.
Slowly, my understanding of what I want and what I need is changing. I may not need snacks in the house, but it definitely makes me a lot happier. I used to think I was content with living like a minimalist, I realized that I can still have some nice things without being too extra. So, now, living here in Raleigh, we have a nice couch, nicer pillows and an even nicer dining room table. I’m sitting here at the dining room table, comfortably drinking my coffee, from good tasting beans instead of mud in a cup that is Folgers, I usually drink. I’m happier having this woman around me, which of course is why I put a ring on it. She makes me happier being around and of course, we have things now that I didn’t even realize I needed.
But I can only go so far. When you get married there are all of these expensive traditions and rituals that people have to spend money on you. I feel bad enough that I’m making my family and friends drive 3 hours upstate for our wedding, but hey at least we didn’t get married in Vegas or North Carolina. Now these people had to spend money on our engagement party, now gifts for a bridal shower, and then spend money coming to our wedding and then for gifts for our wedding. It’s nuts.
Marisa has me come with her to make this registry thing. I didn’t really get it at first because I thought the registry was for the wedding. But people actually buy gifts for the bridal shower and for the wedding. So in case you didn’t know that now you do.
We walked into Pottery Barn and started dealing with this moron who was telling me all the stuff we “need.” I had to look this lady in the face and tell her, “hey, we lived together for 2 years and I’ve never needed cake plates or a cake serving kit, when the hell am I going to use something like that.” She stole Marisa’s heart quicker than I did. Marisa loves cute little things for the apartment more for decoration I think than the actual use. Like right now we have this really cool bar tools set on the kitchen table. We may use it once or twice but how often am I really going to muddle up some mint leaves. Probably never. But it looks nice.
I like coming home to an apartment now that isn’t bare and I didn’t even realize it. She’s slowly changing me despite my best efforts. We had to make this whole registry of items we need. I need a PlayStation but I wasn’t allowed to put that on the list. So if anyone reading this is going to her bridal shower, I could use that PlayStation. Thanks in advance.
I’ve always wanted an expresso machine. That was okayed for the list of things we were allowed to put on there. Which is great. I’m excited to drink good coffee again like when I lived at my parents house.
Having a woman or anyone who can turn a place into a home and not just a shelter is great. I actually feel like I have a home now. In Vegas our apartment felt like a home. Now this apartment feels more like a home. So yea, I’m going to keep saying we don’t need these things, because there has to be balance. Marisa wanted a $250 picture of a cow from this art gallery and I’ll be perfectly honest, I wanted to hang that fucker in our kitchen too, but we didn’t NEED that. Despite going back and talking to the lady for the second time I was able to turn it down. Maybe one day when I’m rich I’ll buy my art from an artist rather than a Walmart.