There’s a Storm Comin’ Harry

The world is changing folks. In the words of Ferris, “life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop to look around once in a while, you could miss it.” As millennials take over the world and generation X and whoever comes after them starts taking over, the world will continue to get better or worse depending on your perspective I guess. In the past the world has come up with some really great ideas and some pretty awful ideas.

Every older generation always thinks the next generation will destroy the earth as we know it, and maybe one day that will be true, but I believe its just that we all hate change. As for me, a judgmental, cynical, dickhead… I roll with the punches. I take the good with the bad. If it wasn’t for the bad stuff, I’d have nothing to write about, not that I write about anything at all anyway.

The other day, I was walking the dog and I saw this other girl walking her dog as well. She wasn’t walking her dog like a normal person of course. Someone created this ridiculous device, which I guess is designed to be hands free dog walking. It is a collar that goes around your waist, that attaches to the leash that your dog is on, so that you don’t have to actually hold the leash with your hand. It’s inventions like this that I can’t get behind. This can’t actually help a person or make the walk easier, because any dog would constantly get this tangled up somehow. This is when I look around and think, ‘what are we doing to ourselves?’ People are supporting stupidity with their hard earned cash. That leash had to be twice as expensive as a normal leash and for what? What do we gain from that garbage?

Now on the other hand we have the good changes in the world. I walked into the grocery store today and noticed everyone was walking around with a beer in their hand. I walk to the back of the store and there is a bar. Right there in the grocery store, someone installed a bar with 10 beers on tap. You could buy 12 oz, 16 oz, or 24 oz. You could walk around the store with a 24 oz beer and get a little toasted while your shopping. How did someone not think of this sooner? I will never go to another supermarket again because of this type of innovative thinking. Make the customer happy, type of service.

Throughout time there has been tons of changes like this. Good ones and bad ones. In World War II they created atomic bombs and in the 70’s they developed agent orange… not the best ideas. Around the same time as WWII they developed the first goddamn tampon and that there were different blood types, A, B, O whatever. Not sure if one had to do with the other, but hey, still doing big things. And in the 70’s they built the first VCR. What were you going to watch the fucking Lion King on, without the VCR?

Change isn’t always the best thing. We all hate it but the best part about change is that sometimes it’s funny. Another thing that has changed is exercise. Thirty years ago the information on working out was much harder to find than it is now and we can probably thank the internet for that. What we are certainly not short of today, is videos of people’s workouts. I use them as often as the next person to try and learn new things to do at the gym so I don’t get bored. The best thing about these videos is that we sometimes get the videos of people failing miserably at an exercise. I got to see one in person the other day at the gym. It was like being a live audience.

I watched this guy walk in the gym and start flirting with the girl who worked there. Good for him, big balls. But then she asked him to go get her food and he left and went and got her Chik Fil-A before he started working out. Not big dick energy. Thought that was a bit weird. When he got back he went to the squat rack and started making all sorts of noise over there which is probably the only reason I was able to witness this. I see him hand his phone to the girl he was flirting with as he loads up the bar with 405 lbs. He walks over to the bar and put it on his back. As soon as he lowered to the ground, I knew he wasn’t pushing it back up. I hate to say that I enjoyed watching him fail and drop 405 lbs on to a rack and make a huge scene and embarrass himself in front of this girl but it doesn’t get much better than that.

We are trying to be a more sensitive generation and trying not to be hateful but I was brought up on America’s Funniest Home Videos, Ridiculousness, and Tosh.0. I watched the Three Stooges, Abbot and Costello, and fucking Tom and Jerry. These shows were just watching people fuck up, hurt each other, cry, fall, fail, and embarrass themselves. So I don’t feel bad when I see it in real life. I’m glad that I was there to be a real spectator and to live in the god damn moment.

Published by Your Cousin Vinny

I'm just a guy, who really is trying to figure out what the move is.

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