Don’t Ever Let Your Daughter Get a VW Bug

Finally, getting a second to rest today after a long 40 hour trip from Nevada to North Carolina, I decided to do a little recap of the trip and the aftermath. We left Wednesday at 1 PM, in the Volkswagen Beetle. When I got to the car, I saw that we had no feet room in the passenger seat, the dog was sitting on top of bags and blankets in the back, but hey, at least I had a cold gyro to eat from the previous night.

Slightly hungover, I got into the drivers seat and watched the Las Vegas skyline disappear in my rearview. Pretty fucking invigorating to know that you’re leaving somewhere temporary to be somewhere permanent. We drove for 25.5 hours straight, without stopping for more than coffee for us and a few short walks for the doggo. We made great time until we got to Oklahoma. We would have been at our first stop after 20 hours but there were tornados and floods and all sorts of natural disaster type events in Oklahoma.

We were detoured through a small dingy little town, with a population of maybe 300 growing quickly with little children holding up signs informing the drivers that, “even though I was a mistake, I’m glad my mommy didn’t abort me.” I’m all for free speech but leave the children out of it maybe?

This town was so small that in one small strip mall they had the post office, the police station, the bar, the funeral home and the bank. It wasn’t like they all had nice names either. The buildings were just labeled. It wasn’t a chase bank, it was just “bank” and “bar”.

After the 5 hour detour to go about 9 miles, we finally got back on the road and made it to Little Rock, Arkansas which really had nothing worth mentioning except maybe that when I asked the hotel manager of any good restaurants in the area she mentioned the Red Lobster and the Olive Garden. The next 14 hours consisted of replays of the same songs, driving through the Blue Ridge Mountains and the final fifteen minutes of the trip feeling longer than the whole trip put together. But we finally made it.

When we pulled up to the apartments we realized that the pictures that were on the website were probably taken when the building was built, over eighty years ago apparently. We went into pay the lady who told us where to sign, yada yada yada, oh and the original walls were painted with lead, just sign here acknowledging that. Well, at this point we are here, what am I going to do, fuck it. She just said, “you’ll be fine, just don’t eat the paint chips.”

We went up to our apartment on the third floor and naturally couldn’t figure out how to open the apartment door. It was about 100 degrees in the hallway, and I was about to lose it. Marisa finally figured out how to open the door and as we finished unpacking she managed to lock us out of the building. Unreasonably, I about lost my shit at this point being hot and having just unloaded the car, not having any water, food, or air condition. Sometimes, my anger can be spray indirectly at bystanders.

We went and bought air conditioners immediately and then had to return to home depot for a second trip for some cleaning supplies and a fan. Upon returning home, I opened the AC unit and realized I needed some tools to put it together. I was about three beers deep and I wasn’t driving back to home depot for a screwdriver. My friend Mike and my fiancé both told me it would be worth it to drive back so that we can have AC but I knew that with the fan and the temperature cooling at night that we’d be fine.

I was wrong. I was very wrong. The temperature barely dropped below 78 and the air was so humid even the dog couldn’t sleep. We were both wide awake at 4 AM. I could try to blame it on someone but this fuck up was definitely on me and when you’re really mad at yourself and sweating at 4 in the morning there’s not much else to do besides lay in your pool of sweat and hate yourself for being a stubborn dickhead.

I was at home depot the moment the doors opened that day and had the AC hooked up about an hour later. We are now sitting in the room and Marisa is complaining that its too cold, which is better than complaining its too hot. So far Raleigh has treated us pretty great, with good food, cheap beer and plenty of entertainment. I will teach you all about the inner workings of the bible belt soon. Stay tuned fuckers.

Published by Your Cousin Vinny

I'm just a guy, who really is trying to figure out what the move is.

2 thoughts on “Don’t Ever Let Your Daughter Get a VW Bug

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