Choose your battles

I have fully accepted at this point that I know absolutely nothing about cars. I can’t fix any of my own problems pertaining to the car and I barely understand how the car works. Sure, I could probably research this but really, what the fuck would I do that for. When I go to the doctor I don’t web MD diagnose myself cause then the doctor looks at me like an asshole. The mechanic reacts the same way when you tell him what’s wrong with the car. I’ve resorted to just describing the problem with the car with crude sound effects. “Yeah when I try to start the car it makes this noise, “URANGATANGTANGTANGTANG.” I could change a tire, maybe a headlight, but when it comes down to it, this guy could tell me the hose that connects the pump face to the outback is broken and I’d say, “those motherfuckin pumpface hoses always get ya.”

Today, I dropped my car off to get fixed because the engine light was on and the brakes sound like my grandmother falling down the stairs. The guy calls me an hour later and tells me a laundry list of sensors and hoses and shit I need fixed. “LeRon, what’s the damage here?” I asked. LeRon says, “It’s going to be about $1750.” “$1750?” I asked him, “That’s way too much, I can’t do that today.” He says, “yeah I know it’s a lot, but what is your price today? What can you spend?” I said, “at most, I could spend a thousand.”

Now, we’re sitting there quietly and I’m not saying anything else. It’s kind of like a poker game at this point, who can sit in silence the longest. I figure he would start saying I don’t need certain parts that can wait. He just says, “yeah, I could do it for $1000, I’ll see you tonight around five.”

This guy just managed to shave off $750. How does that work. Where is that money coming from? What if I said $500? Now, I know I’m obviously getting fucked, but really what am I going to do pay this guy $100 for checking it and then go to another guy and get fucked again. A guy can only take so much fucking. He said yes to the thousand too quickly so maybe I could’ve paid less, but I didn’t even realize we were in negotiations. I thought we were eliminating parts of the job.

You live and you learn. You pick your battles. You take your monthly fucking and you move forward. If I fought every battle I came across daily, I’d lose more hair than I already have. It’s not worth it. I’m already in a very important battle with Rubbermaid right now. I put one of their glass containers in my microwave for two minutes and it exploded into a thousand pieces. This battle I will win. Rubbermaid is not going to win this one. I spent thirty minutes cleaning the miniscule pieces of glass out of the microwave and I’m still finding pieces all over the place.

Maybe next week I’ll head over to Verizon and pick a fight over there. Verizon is always good for a nice argument. They’re really good at making up prices and arguing with stupidity is one of my favorite past times.


Published by Your Cousin Vinny

I'm just a guy, who really is trying to figure out what the move is.

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