Fact or Myth: Karma

I don’t know if it’s just the cynic in me, but I have a really hard time staying positive about the world. You want to see the best all the time but you can’t. Day after day the disappointment is unreal. You try to do the right thing but they just keep on pushing you down. Let me explain a little bit more in depth, the outrageousness of my Friday night.

It all starts with just wanting a slice of pizza. That’s all I wanted. I actually wanted two slices of pizza. Nothing crazy. I didn’t even want to try and find a sicilian slice. I just wanted two slices of pizza. Is that too much to ask? There are two places in this town that serve pizza by the slice. So, its about 7PM and I get my dog and get her in the car. We’re off to get pizza.

I get to the first place I walk in and the kid says, “what can I do to help you?” I tell him, “I’ll take two slices.” He says, “okay, hold on.” The guy goes in the back for two minutes. He comes back out and says, “We’re done serving slices for the night.” I respond, “what?” He says, “yeah, we’re done serving slices tonight.” I said, “you’re still open right?” He goes, “Yeah, I can make you a large pie if you want.” I said, “no, I don’t need a large pie, I need two slices,” turned around and walked out before the kid could spew anymore bullshit. So, I get back in my car and head to another pizzeria.

I get to the next place and I walk in. I stand there for three minutes before anyone even acknowledges me. Finally, the guy says “what can I do for you?” I say “I’ll take 2 slices to go.” This guy says, “we don’t have slice after 4.” I don’t even look at the guy. but I turn around and start walking out and I say loud enough for everyone to hear, “why even call yourself Joey’s NEW YORK pizza, if you don’t have a slice to go.” The taste of NY pizza isn’t the only good part. It’s the convenience of walking in and choosing whatever slice you want and having it, in under 5 minutes.

At this point, I’m devastated. I’m hungry and I’m pissed off. So, I decide to head home and see what’s in the kitchen. I get home and see this guy moving into the apartment right underneath mine. Thinking about karma and just trying to be an overall nice guy, I ask, “hey man, you need any help?” expecting to get the typical “nah, thanks though.” He says, “Yeah, we could finish up in 5 minutes if you can help.” So, I do the right thing and I bring my dog upstairs and start helping this guy out. Forty-five minutes later we’re carrying dressers into the apartment. Finally we’re done and it’s now 9:15. The guy asks what he owes me and I jokingly responded, “Just don’t ever say New Yorker’s are douche bags.” He takes me way too seriously and starts saying how he never thought that. Which reminded me my sarcasm doesn’t transfer well to others.

So, I go back up to my apartment and I get ready to call this Acai Bowl place because Marisa wanted one for dinner and I’ve never had one. I call this place, which is the only place within 15 minutes of the apartment. It’s 9:20 and they close at 10 according to their website. The guy answers and says, “Tail and Fin, how can I help you?” I tell him I want to place an order for pick up and he responds, “Oh, we’re closing up.” I look at the phone and say, “It’s only 9:20 and you close at 10.” He tells me, “Yeah we started closing at 9 tonight.” I ask him rhetorically, “then why even bother having a closing time?” and hang up the phone.

I’m livid. I’m starving and now it’s not even worth eating until Marisa gets home. She gets in at 10 and we decide to go to this restaurant called Pizza Rock. People rant and rave about this restaurant here. So, figured we’d try it. We ordered meatballs, a pizza and a calzone. I can eat basically anything when I’m hungry but this food was garbage. Hambuger helper makes better meatballs. The slice of pizza was smaller than my hand. The pepperoni was so over cooked it was curling up, like it had been microwaved. The calzone had maybe one slice of cheese in it. I prayed to god that the bartender asked how the calzone was so I could respond with, “Have you ever had a calzone before?”

It was so disappointing to be that hungry and have just horrible food in front of you. I honestly couldn’t believe it. After all this, I couldn’t help but think about how karma is a made up thing. You do the right thing and then this is how the world takes care of you. Real nice. My brain is screaming “SERENITY NOW!” as we drive home. I say to Marisa, “There’s no way this night could get worse. I guess it could rain, at least we have that going for us.”

We go home and decide we’ll hangout and watch some TV. Maybe have a drink and try to enjoy the rest of our night. But it did rain that night folks. The clouds were angry that day my friends. We get home and upon further examination of our dog. She seemed to have ripped out her stitches from her surgery that she had a couple days ago. Yep, she had a huge gaping wound on her arm now. How much better could this night get?

I now had to leave the house to go to the store to get all sorts of bandages to clean the wound and wrap it, because obviously the vet is closed at 12 at night. I’m not upset about having to do this. I’m just pissed off that the vet didn’t put a cone on the dog so she wouldn’t do that in the first place. So, here I am, Mr. Vincent, wrapping a dog’s wound at 12:30 at night. I thought about posting a picture of the wound here too, but it’s a bit graphic. Now here I am sitting next to this Sweet Tart we call Effie, while she pants and smiles at me like it’s a wonderful life were living. Which I guess she’s right. Despite getting surgery twice in 3 days, she’s still sitting here, happy as a pig in shit, waiting for me to stop typing so that I’ll pet her. Just a little thing about karma people, it doesn’t exist. Everything doesn’t always “even out” for everybody, trust me. For example, I haven’t won a single bet all year. I don’t see that turning around anytime soon nor do I see the stupid shit that happens to me on a daily basis turning around anytime soon. So, despite all the bullshit, I wake up, put a smile on, and try the day all over again. No one is going to throw good luck upon me. Trust me, make your own karma, because no one is sitting anywhere thinking about you saying, “how can I make this unlucky jerk-offs life any different?” Only you can do that. When life shits on you, pop open your umbrella, throw on your boots, and weather the storm. 


Published by Your Cousin Vinny

I'm just a guy, who really is trying to figure out what the move is.

2 thoughts on “Fact or Myth: Karma

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