The other day I got a bill in the mail from the organization I get my certifications from for work. I wasn’t expecting to get a bill because I was told to pay $286. I had already paid this sum. They charged me another $225. They made me pay $511 just to get a piece of paper that says I’m a speech pathologist. For a second, I rethought if I even wanted to be a speech pathologist anymore for that price.
I get on the phone with the organization to find out what’s going on, long story short, the lady explained to me why it was $511, I responded with “jesus fucking christ, that’s a lot of fucking money.” She had hung up before I could even say another word.
I called back to pay the fee the next day, because I really had no choice. Not enough of you people read my blog, so until I become as rich as Stephen King or as famous as Ernest Hemmingway, I’ll be a speech pathologist. I was on the phone with the girl for over 30 minutes to pay the stupid bill. She made me hang up and call the bank because she told me my debit card wasn’t working. After talking to the bank now, they tell me that my card is not having a problem. I made her give me her direct number so I could call her back with the obvious news that it was her fault. Fuck her. She was so cheery on the phone, like a cartoon fucking bunny rabbit. Ten minutes later its figured out. Problem solved.
I feel like I’m constantly jumping through hoops just to survive. College was where it all started. Just a bunch of hoops to jump through. Can you sit through History of Jazz for enough classes to pass? Can you memorize enough art pieces to get a decent grade in Art of the Western World. Will you show up at office hours to really kiss some ass, so one day someone will write you a letter of recommendation? It’s all a big joke. People will tell you its networking but its not. If anything, you have a better chance at making a friend with a professor than a mentor. I had a couple really nice professors, don’t get me wrong. But i’ve also had some who could not care less that you were struggling, even when you came to office hours.
I had one professor who I really liked. I thought he was a great guy, but apparently the rest of the staff didn’t because he got pushed out like Nixon in the Watergate Scandal.
What hoops you are willing to jump through, define what you will be able to accomplish in your life. It’s not as simple as work hard and you’ll get what you want. Sometimes you really have to do some shitty things, like sit through writing poetry, where my fellow millenials attempted to create deep and meaningful poems. I always got told that my poems didn’t have any meaning. What the fuck do you want man? I show up and I write the poems, do you need me to cry for you too, you sick fuck.
After college, people might decide to go right to work and others might decide, “let’s do some more school.” Well, if you decide the more school route, guess what you have to do again. You have to fill out tedious applications for hours, get letters of recommendation, order you transcripts, order your test scores, and go to interviews at schools far, far away. I didn’t have to worry about interviewing all that much because I only heard back from one school out of the thirteen I applied to over the course of two years. Hundreds and hundreds of dollars wasted. Well I guess not totally wasted, because I did end up going to grad school. Jump through every single one of those hoops to get into the only college where my application was free. Its a cruel world people, get used to it.
Now what I do is I just jump through each hoop, one at a fucking time. It makes each ring of fire a little less painful. Each interaction a little more tolerable and each experience a story of its own.