Written by: Iceberg
Welcome to fall. The NFL is back and the great fucking pumpkin season of pumpkin beer, pumpkin picking and pumpkin spice lattes is upon us. But I am hear to talk about September’s forgotten soldier, formally known as the boys of summer. Yep, if you haven’t already guessed from my half made up sayings, that’s right, I’m talking about baseball. Every year I hear “baseball’s boring” or “baseball’s too slow” well thats why your cousin Vinny brought me here. To convince you that is EXACTLY why you should like baseball. I am about to give you 3 reasons that will make you a baseball fan for life.
Naps: You ever wake up hungover on a Saturday morning and cannot fall back asleep? Well boy, do I have a solution for you. Its called turning on a 1 o’clock baseball game and watching the first 2 innings as the announcers gently tuck you tight under the covers. You wake up during the seventh inning stretch feeling like a new man (or woman, I’ll have to ask your cousin Vinny about his target audience here). Not only do you wake up in the 7th, but sometimes you wake up to a one run game, with guys like Dellin Betances throwing 100 mph cheese, that will make your dutch oven beer farts smell like roses. Nothing better than close baseball games in the 7th inning on and thats a fact.
162 Games: Has a friend ever asked you to go get some tacos and tequila on a Tuesday night? Maybe go out on a Wednesday to get 2fers? You want to know how I respond? “Fuck that I have have to go to work tomorrow. I can’t be doing that. I’m not in college anymore. However, I will go to that crummy local dive bar that so happens to have $2 miller lites on a Wednesday to watch the Yankee game.” You see what I did there? You see what I tell people at work or a girlfriend so that she won’t get mad at me. My point is baseball is always on and it always gives us an excuse to hangout with friends or pound back a couple of casuals. People say that baseball players should not be payed millions compared to the hard-working teachers. Well, I’m pretty sure the school year is only 161 days and baseball is 162 so you tell me whose working harder.
Chicks: Has anyone been to a baseball game recently? Because I have. One thing I noticed was all the beautiful girls there. (I was of course there with my mom) Now, I am not saying you go to baseball games to pick up chicks. However, if you find a girl thats cool enough to go to baseball games with you (most likely because her father would take her as a young kid, because in his heart he wishes he had a son) than you keep that girl around. There are a few things that are certain in this life and they are death, taxes and chicks digging the long ball. And hey, if you don’t believe me, just take a look at Aaron Judge’s Shrek like face and then look at his Instagram model girlfriend.