Jewelry Stores

Shopping in a jewelry store can be quite daunting for us guys out here. Well, for us broke ass guys out here. Obviously the jewelry industry is all a giant scam. I understand that jewelry is very beautiful and meaningful to some people, but it’s actually an insane concept.

First off, no one there actually knows what the price of anything is. They might read the price and then type some bullshit percent off in a calculator, but they just make the shit up. For example, I bought my girlfriend earrings from a jeweler recently and they gave me a price and I negotiated it down a little bit. Finally, when I liked the price, I accepted it and told them I would be back before they closed.

I checked two more stores to see if I liked anything else. Ultimately, I decide that the earrings were the best choice, so I went back. The lady was excited to see me. I think she thought I was bullshitting  her. Someone else rang me up at $30 less then what the woman had told me. I’m sure of this because I made her write down the price in case she wasn’t there when I got back. She asked me if this was the same price I was told before. Of course I said yes. I almost said no, she told me less. But I didn’t want to push my luck.

It is such a bullshit negotiation pattern. If they like you more, you’ll probably get the best price. If you walk in there looking all doe-eyed, they’ll take you for everything you got.

Second, I don’t understand why the first question they ask isn’t, “what is your price range?” Every time I go in there, I’ll describe what I’m looking for and they’ll show me a beautiful piece. I’ll say how much and its usually somewhere above three grand. I’m almost embarrassed to say my price range after that. It’s a birthday, not a ten year anniversary. Also, I’m wearing cotton shorts and a tank top, does it look like that’s my price range.

I think they try to make you feel bad. I laughed at the lady when she told me the price this last time. I laughed especially hard because she told me, “its something nice and small.” Oh yeah? Fuck you.

Third, did you know there are different kinds of jewelry stores. Some have this specific rating or are part of some club. I’m not sure exactly what it is, because when the lady was talking I couldn’t stop looking at her snaggle tooth. So, snaggly.

Anyway, these specific jewelers, such as Ben Bridge, charge more because of this. She tried to give me some bullshit about how their diamonds sparkle better than everyone else’s diamonds. Okay lady. I’m sure there’s some truth to what you’re saying but relax. She also kept saying “we are really excited about being part of this club.” We? You just work here, I believe Ben, as in Ben Bridge is the only one who can say “we.”

Finally, and this is a true question. Is used jewelry an okay thing? The lady tried to sell me a pair of used earrings like it was a car or something. Like it has been certified pre-owned. Check the Car Fox type of shit. I mean they were earrings. They were quite literally in someone else’s body. I’m not sure what the ruling is on that. So, for the record, I declined the offer on that for the time being. If someone tells me otherwise maybe I’ll consider it in the future.

Quick note: Why the fuck is the Jared catch phrase “He went to Jared.” Has a woman actually every said this to her friends. I really hope not.



Published by Your Cousin Vinny

I'm just a guy, who really is trying to figure out what the move is.

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