“I’ll never get a dog”

I’ve been quoted on several occasions stating that I will never get a dog. The mere idea of it was crazy to me. Why would I want another thing that I have to take care of? I struggle on a daily basis taking care of myself. “Should I shave today?” is a question that constantly turns into “should I shave this week?” Some weekends I ask myself, if it is even worth leaving the apartment. On the outside, it may look like I have my shit together, but to me, I’m just a kid who’s playing house.

Despite setting up a list of precautions for myself, I took my girlfriend to the SPCA, and we adopted a dog. She is a 1 and a half year-old, Australian Cattle dog, which makes me a giant hypocrite, but who cares. Everyone deserves a dog, right?

At the adoption center, we sat there for two hours going back and forth until we finally decided to take her home. Her name is Effie and she is afraid of her own shadow. I felt like my insides were being ripped into shreds the entire car ride home. I had a pit in my stomach like I had just killed somebody. I felt like I made the worst decision possible thinking, “wow, this dog is fucked having two owners like us.”

The second we got to the apartment, she walked in, ran around frantic for a minute then took a shit. As soon as I yelled “NO!” she ran away from me and took a piss. I felt like I was going to start crying. I could only think, “this was the worst decision I have ever made.”

Ten minutes after we got home, my girlfriend had to leave for work. I had to stay with this animal all alone. I took her out onto the deck and I sat there staring at her. She was staring at me. Now, I don’t know what dogs think about, but I imagine her thoughts were the same as mine, “how in the hell did I get stuck with this asshole.”

We’ve had her for two weeks now. She has yet to shit in the house again. She loves chasing rabbits and long walks. I feel like that’s pretty typical for a dog. She sleeps right next to the stupid $35 dollar bed we bought her. She won’t eat in front of us, won’t play with any toys, and only chews on bones if we leave the room. She’s pretty damn weird.

One thing I have noticed is how people act around you when you have a dog. People think, “this guy must be normal, he has a dog.” Normally, I walk around and people ignore me. Unless I open my big mouth, people don’t ever say shit to me. Walk around saying “hi” to people and you barely get a response. Walk around with a dog and everyone wants to know your life story. Maybe we’ll make some friends this way. A girl can dream.

I don’t always have a pit in my stomach when I leave her in the house anymore. Although she did eat my only toy, my Wii remote. At least it was just the nunchuk part. We tried putting her in the crate when we leave, but she’s terrified of it. We tried locking her in the kitchen. We put up a 3.5 foot gate. Came home and she was chilling on the couch. So, we’ve resorted to a game of trust. So far so good. As long as she has a bone to chew on, maybe she won’t destroy something. Who really knows.

Overall, the experience has been pretty good. She now sits, lays down, and she follows us everywhere. She doesn’t ever bark and is even listening well off the leash. Every time we meet a new person with a dog, they offer us advice. It’s kind of annoying. Some people think they’re the only person who have ever raised a well-behaved dog. I bet people do this with kids too, which probably annoys the shit out of moms. If I ask for advice, I do appreciate it. Don’t tell me where I should keep my dog at night or what I shouldn’t feed it, just because I told you we just adopted her. It’s fucking annoying. And for Christ’s sake, if you’re going to talk to me, ask me for my name before you ask what her name is. She doesn’t care who’s talking to her, but I’d like to know what to call you instead of just knowing your dogs name. And for everybody who asks what my name is here in Vegas, it is VINNY, not BENNY. I don’t understand. Does everyone all of a sudden have a hearing problem? I’m getting awfully sick of it. Who is even named Benny? Does anyone know a Benny? I know one Benny, and he’s the fastest kid I ever seen. Benny “the Jet” Rodriguez.


Published by Your Cousin Vinny

I'm just a guy, who really is trying to figure out what the move is.

2 thoughts on ““I’ll never get a dog”

  1. Cousin Benny.. Best blog yet. So, I did the same thing. I WILL NEVER OWN A DAM DOG. Too much work, I am single, don’t have time. BLEH BLEH BLEH. 1 husband and a divorce later, here is Miss Page. She was a rescue, afraid of her own shadow and probably the most expensive rescue on this planet. I can never leave her alone to roam the house at night, she’ll find some “me time” to shit or piss somewhere. Same thing with the basement, some more “me time”, so that is gated off. She is allergic too grass, weeds, trees, black ants (apparently not the red ones), and dust mites. WTH, Yes, I had to have her allergy tested because she was itchy and licking herself to the point of bleeding and then she had the #3s all the time. SO, I now cook all her food; rice, chicken, and frozen vegetables every night with her VERY expensive allergy medication that she can some how pull out of the whole bowl of food and leave on the floor for me to later shove down her throat. Most of the time now she gets it down without an issue. She was such a nervous wreck when we got her that she was a chewer too. SO, brilliant Regina gets her every chew toy known to man because I was sick of her eating my stuff and NO ONE ELSES In the house. Well, she managed to crack 2 of her molars from eating antlers. YES, you can buy antlers for your dogs to chew. And of course that damn things cost me like $15 bucks a pop. $4,000 later on removing 2 molars and cleaned teeth too. SO, that bad aside, she is unconditional love. She would eat someone if they came to close to me or the house. LOVE IT. Her bark is more fierce than her bite, she is a nibbler unless you are some guy I am dating then she shoots for the thigh or butt. Its super fun. She has to trust people before she loves them. She loves children and babies. She follows me everywhere and on days when I look back and think “dear JESUS, what the hell did you give me with her”, I remember meeting her in the shelter. She was alone, scared, tail between her legs, only like women, not so much men, her sister was adopted but she wasn’t, and of course with all her health issues she probably would have been put to sleep or returned over and over again to the shelter. So, we are a pair now. She is no longer scared of her own shadow, she is still clumsy up and down steps, she has ALWAYS just ripped toys apart only to pull out all the stuffing and the squeaker, but then carries the bodies around the house with her as her toys. Lastly, the only thing she chews now is frozen vegetables. SHE LOVES long whole carrots, tomatoes (she’s Italian so thats a give in), when we have pasta night with meatballs, so does Miss Page and I am forever blessed for having met her. Good luck. You will be great. Give me a shout if you need to vent or chat. I know you didn’t ask but we are related so I thought I would share.
    And my name is REGINA, not RAGYNA.. Goodness sakes people. LOL

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sounds like it started off as a nightmare! Just bought some wood furniture yesterday so we’ll see if she decides she wants to eat that when I’m at work tomorrow. Can’t believe people call you that. Talk to you soon!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: