The “New York” Pizzeria

Over the course of the past year, I have spent the majority of Friday nights looking for places where pizza or, food in general, can be comparable to New York. I’m not going to sit here and tell you that every food in Las Vegas sucks, because that’s not true. I do believe that it lacks authenticity or tradition, which makes sense. The town is transient and it has only been around for less than a hundred years. How it could it possibly compare to a place that has a history of over 400 years?

So, I troll the streets looking for pizza, gyros, halal (doesn’t exist here), Chinese, etc., that remind me of the way it tastes at home. It has been a year and the closest pizza place I found is hit or miss. If the owner happens to be there it’s great. The gyros taste like bologna meat and the Chinese must have just never settled in Vegas because that’s a no go for me. There’s one weekend here where a huge Greek Festival takes place. I went last year and there were great gyros, unfortunately, I haven’t taken the time to figure out where the food came from. I’ll report back on that in three weeks when I attend the festival again. Thai food isn’t bad and neither is Japanese, Hawaiian, or Philippino. New York isn’t really known for any of that food.

The pizza is what I want to discuss. I get my pizza from a place called Joey’s. He makes a decent pie. The key word is “he.” If he’s not the one making the pizza, its like there are just a bunch of morons there. The last time I went there was hysterical. It was a circus They had to stop delivering pizza because it was “so busy.” I’ve seen restaurants back home banging out 50 pies an hour with a line 20 deep ordering slices.

I’ve seen busy. This wasn’t busy. Being that I was the only guy standing there waiting for pizza, they need to figure their shit out. The kid who was answering the phone kept telling people, “sorry we’re not delivering because we’re too busy to handle this many orders.” What?! How can you tell customers that? People are not going to be okay with that answer. I would laugh if I called Gino’s and they said they were too busy for my order. That’s a yelp comment waiting to happen.

Joey was actually there at this point and you could tell how angry he was. I don’t feel bad for him because he hired these morons. One of the kids kept asking him how long he should wait to take the knots out. Finally, Joey turned around and said, “when they’re fucking done, take them out. Is it that difficult?” I felt right at home.

Every time they got a phone call while I was there, the kid had to turn around and ask the owner, “How long on pick-up?” It was the same answer every time. Your job is to answer the phone and tell them how long. You know exactly how many pizzas have been ordered. How can you not figure out a general number. Half hour. Forty-five minutes. It’s an estimation.

I’d love to open up my own pizzeria so I can feel the pain that poor Joey feels. Go back to Brooklyn where you belong man. Alright, time to order a pizza now. Later.


Published by Your Cousin Vinny

I'm just a guy, who really is trying to figure out what the move is.

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