Have you ever heard of this word? It’s what a therapist would define as making a catastrophe out of a situation where people would normally shrug their shoulders. I apparently do this pretty often. For example, I ran to the supermarket during lunch yesterday to get my food shopping done so I could have more time after work to get other shit done. I forgot the garlic. When I got home and realized, I yelled, “Mother Fucker!” I was genuinely pissed off. Finally, Marisa said, “Vin it’s garlic, do we really need it?”

I kind of realized, “shit she’s right.” Is the stuffed pepper going to taste substantially different without a few extra pieces of garlic? Probably not. The day before that, we got our rent bill in the mail. It was twice the normal rent. Fucking twice. I didn’t open the bill until after business hours. Naturally, I thought they were charging us double rent because the dog moved in with us. What other logical solution could there possibly be? It must obviously cost double the rent to have an animal here. That’s why there’s like 50 dogs in this complex.

Obviously, they weren’t charging us rent for the dog. That wouldn’t make any sense. In my head I conjured up how they could basically do whatever they want and take all of my money. Not the case. I went into the office the following day ready to kill someone.

A pregnant woman walks out of the office. All I can think about is, “what is the protocol for yelling at pregnant woman?” I really doubt that you’re supposed to do that. I’ll pretty much yell at anyone. But a pregnant woman? I’m not really sure if I’m allowed to do that.

Before I could even take my deep breath to tee off on this woman, she says, “are you here because of your bill?” I responded, “uh, yeah.” She told me, “Oh it was a mistake if they doubled it, just pay what you normally pay.” Still kind of pissed off, I asked her, “why didn’t anyone send an email out yesterday when it happened?” She said, “I’m actually working on the email now.” (I didn’t receive this email for another 2 hours) It was 2 o’clock in the afternoon. It took her all day to sort this shit out? Pregnant or not, move it or lose it lady.

At least after this conversation I was able to blow some steam off on the cable company who keeps fucking with me. Marisa just sits there laughing at me. Apparently it’s funny when Vinny gets all worked up. Everyone is a fucking comedian.

It is funny that people can let this stuff all roll off their shoulders, meanwhile I’m preparing for the end of the world, diagnosing myself with cancer, and pretending that I can read people’s minds.

I think a little bit of both is necessary. If no one prepares for the worst, who will be ready when it happens. I try to chill a little bit about the little stuff. Usually, a glass of wine with a nice healthy pour does the trick.

I  feel like I’m more prepared than other people for worst-case scenarios, but I’m really not. I think I’m the last person you should come running to during the apocalypse or when the undead begin to rise.  I’d be every black guy in every scary movie ever.

Published by Your Cousin Vinny

I'm just a guy, who really is trying to figure out what the move is.

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