The Fortune Cookie

So a few weekends ago I had to go bowling with my coworkers. As much as I wish this was going to be a story about a bowling alley and all of the possible fucked up things that could happen there, it’s not. It’s about my uber ride to the casino. So I get in this Asian dude’s minivan with the automatic doors and the garbage all over the floor. It looked like a car a high school kid may have just received as a hand-me-down. Anyways, I could say I get in the uber and I try to avoid conversation but recently I haven’t been doing that, because the shit people will tell you in a fifteen minute car ride is actually ridiculous. The guy asks me if I’m going to meet up with any girls tonight and I told him I was going bowling with some coworkers. He proceeds to tell me he wishes he was me because he’s looking for some action. OK. Fine, that doesn’t sound too crazy. I wanted to poke around a little more. The best question to ask is “why?” and undoubtedly you will receive a 20 minute short clip of the persons life. So he told me how he got married and they moved out here from Philly to open a Vietnamese restaurant because that is what his parents also did. So he tells me his wife divorces him and takes the house because the business failed. He repeatedly tells me how much of a C#$% this woman is. Sorry, I didn’t want to write cunt and then I changed my mind. He then told me he’s ubering now to save enough money to drive home to live in his parents house in Philadelphia. So he told me that his relationship ended on Facebook so his other ex-wife has been trying to get in touch with him. He told me that after they talked for a while he finds out that she’s married and reports that if he didn’t know she was married he would go and fuck her. At this point, I basically decided that this story is going no where and he’s just a scorned lover being spiteful. It’s at this point he starts giving marital advice and telling me that he raises his son to be a good man like him. Wait what? A good man like you. I’m no fuckin saint, but you just told me you wouldn’t care if you fucked a married woman as long as you didn’t know she was married. What kinda shit is that, but that isn’t any of my business. But now he starts telling me he doesn’t enjoy life and I’m lucky to be alive. At this point, all I could think is I’ll be fucking lucky if this guy doesn’t try to end it all right here of the top of that overpass with me in the passenger seat. I don’t want to die and I definitely don’t want it all to end in the passenger seat of a disgruntled, Asian man’s minivan smelling like takeout Vietnamese food.

Published by Your Cousin Vinny

I'm just a guy, who really is trying to figure out what the move is.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: